As of November 6 it’s been two years since I went on an “unplanned vision journey” or “The wildest drug-free trip ever”. The doctors call it a “manic psychotic episode”. I spent 5 days in the hospital till I came back to reality, they sent me home with a diagnosis of bi-polar and a high dose of anti-psychotic meds. One day I will to sort out my entire journey where I can’t account for 3 days of my life and I’ll tell all about it. Till then I sort of keep it to myself. I’m not ashamed of my break with reality but I don’t want to scare people either and I still struggle to put it into words.
Today I want to share one lesson I learned. Please bear with me and let me know if this makes sense. My brain was in an altered state when I came to these conclusions.
There are endless affirmations for self worth out there and understanding who you are at your highest level.
As I was drifting through time and space and maybe other people’s lives or past lives, or memories, and a occasionally a vague feeling that I might be in a car, I came to a point that I was becoming so “one” with the universe that I was losing track of where my body was located in the physical world and I wasn’t sure if I could find my way back to my body. I was worried about being lost in the cosmos like a drifting soul. Or maybe I would find a new person to just dwell in and forget the old me entirely. Would my body die without me? Would I just be a loon unaware of my surroundings and live out the rest of my days in a home? Was my body in a coma? Was it drowning and these racing thoughts were my last acts as a living soul? Any of these scenarios could be possible. I didn’t know where I was located in the cosmos, I didn’t know how I had gotten there/here. I thought about something a woman said on a Woodstock documentary. She was at the festival to help bring down hippies from bad LSD trips. She said that the treatment was to ask a tripping hippie over and over what their name was until they gave the right answer. After that, as the tripper went off on their tangents, a worker would just repeat to them, “Your name is ____” and it would bring them down and calm them down for a moment.
In my state I thought about this and I treated myself by repeating to myself “I am Rachael Shores.” As long as I could remember to do this I could at least remember the basics: that I was a person, that I had a body. There was another part of my chant too. In my state I learned about the power hidden in the period. That little dot at the end of the sentence. This dot is the universe. What does Rumi say?
“You are not a drop in the ocean. You are a drop and the ocean is in you.”
The period is the beginning the middle and the end of a meditation. You don’t have to meditate for hours or minutes, you write a sentence or speak a sentence and that pause at the end, is the meditation. The scientists say that at the beginning all the matter of the universe was compressed into a spec. The period represents this spec AND it represents finality. That is the end of the sentence. A thought, a statement, a command, has been made complete.
Like, Piccard says, “Let it be so.”
Think of all those kings with their scribes and writing commands. Think of God creating the Universe. “Let there be light.” PERIOD. The period is that end of that sentence that we don’t even notice. We take it for granted but that period makes things final. If there’s no period that sentence is open to be changed. Let there be light – if/as long as/unless/but – NO. LET THERE BE LIGHT, PERIOD.
“I am” is a powerful pair of words as well. Listen to what Wayne Dyer has to say about it. God is the “I am”. “I am” brings into reality. When you say “I am” you are calling on God. You are calling on God that dwells within yourself. So often we misuse that. How often do you say “I am tired”? What a waste of prayer. Keep this in mind for everything you say after I am…”I am worthy.” Ugh, youtube took down my favorite talks by Wayne Dyer down. This video explains the significance of “I am”.
“I am” is a short prayer.
AND THEN, the real magic, add your name. Have you thought about your name lately? What is it’s meaning? Why did your parents choose it? What were their hopes and dreams for you when you chose that name? What is the family history of your name, the culture it comes from? Then there’s your last name and all the ancestors that held that name and their lives and stories and the whole process they went through to bring YOU into existence, if you have a married name you have a new family and chain of ancestors that you are tied to. How far back can you trace your ancestors? How many people are you connected to in this world, and yet you have this name and that name is your identity. This is what marks you from the world. Yeah, names repeat but the lineage doesn’t.
So, whenever you need a boost put these words together:
Connect to God, the Universe, the inner light that is inside you.
Gather strength from your parents, your family, your lineage and ancestors, all the wisdom that has come before you. You are riding this wave of life and destiny. History is holding you up in this present time. You have the support of the human collective.
Fact. End. Conclusion. This isn’t a question mark. “Who am I?” “ What are my positive traits?” This is you and who you are. All of it. If you want to make a list of all your attributes go ahead, it’s a nice exercise but you’re not all these labels. I’m a housewife, I’m anxious, I’m a nature lover. You’re ALL of that AND the universe, and God, and a light being. Like that matter compressed into a tiny black dot, ready to explode into stars. There’s no need for lists and descriptions. There’s no need to question your worth. You have your answer. You are you from the core, with every cell and fiber. This physical body barely contains all the aspects you are, all the roles that you play, all the feelings you hold and the love that you contain. It’s a fact, a simple fact like your name printed on your driver’s license. So what is your name? You know who and all that you are as simply as you know your name.
If this has been helpful maybe you know a friend or place to share this. Please spread the message.