Thursday, as I was bleaching away the last splatters of a violent food poisoning attack, I was contemplating my failures once again. I’m negative about myself on a regular basis, too regular lately I feel, it’s also not worth really pining over, I’ll do that on some other mopey angsty entry. Being in the bathroom also put me in front of the mirror frequently so it was easier to get in a face-to-face scolding every now and then. My point is, that it wasn’t a very optimistic beginning of the day.
The interesting thing though, I realized I didn’t feel all that down on myself. Even though there was a lot of things I’m not doing good enough I was thinking of my friends sharing their struggles. It really cheered me up. I wasn’t doing the comparison “at least I’m not THAT bad off”, I was just happy to remember that someone out there was setting goals and working towards them. I can do that too, I told myself, and not in a fake optimism. Having examples is so inspiring. I was reminded about my hope to be inspiring. I wanted to do fantastic and crazy things to show people that we can do anything. I believe it on a grand scale but I have a hard time applying it to every day life. I think that was the issue I was having as I cleaned the bathroom and thought about my lack of a workout schedule among other mundane shortcomings.
I’ve been a solo traveler for so long. I’m struggling to be involved and active. I would like to join my friends that are sharing their personal goals and the progress they are making. I would really like feedback, advice, stories, whatever, to stay focused and encouraged. There’s so many things to work on. Here’s my list of improvements to make. I’ve made a summary of the issues and things I am doing or would like to do to fix things. I’m appealing to everyone in their vast knowledge to give me any advice:
* = doing it
– = want to do
Spirituality: I want to be stronger in my faith, more sure of what I believe and why, able to hold a conversation, have a better relationship with, and better understanding of God.
-read the Bible daily
-be part of a religious community (Unitarians? Messianic? Adventists? is there anyone that just meets in a park?)
-study (how? What’s the best way?)
Health:1. I want to fix my brain! Why am I moody, ditzy, spacey, lazy, stupid feeling? Can’t I eat something to make that go away? I’m seriously depleted in self-discipline and motivation 2.I also want thick, beautiful, shiny hair. 3. I want that sexy yoga body, sinewy and strong. 4. I want energy to get up early, go all day, feel vibrant and alive, and to feel serene and well balanced always. This is my most uncertain area, I have so many ideas and so many things I want to do but my whole day would be exercising if I did it all. How do I do this?
*workout in the gym 3x a week, 20 min.
-Qi Gong every morning – 15 min.
-Yoga every night? (30 min. video)
-start taking classes, there’s Akido, Yoga, Tai Chi, Qi Gong, Some are free
-learn belly dancing
-do body brushing before every shower
-apply coconut oil after every shower
-do Japanese facial rub every night (saw this on youtube, looks really cool)
-get my muscles back, iron yoga? Bosu ball? Shoot, where do I add those in?
-I want a consultant, should I do Chinese medicine? Naturopath? Dietician? Trainer? I want someone who is all about the holistic approach.
-deep conditioning hair treatment once a week
-make my own hair creams and conditioners to get my curly hair back
-get some layers cut
-finish Jonathans picture!!!!
-paint baby portraits for certain friends (have the list, it’s a secret but you can ask if you’re on it, I’m finding there are lots to do and I might have missed someone)
-do ark painting
-work on those series I have planned
-get a website up (HOW?! vistaprints?)
-sell online (HOW?! Can I do that with vistaprints? etsy? I want to sell prints. Talk to Welsh Nomad?)
-do my scrapbook of wedding cards and the wedding
-mural for Dr. Felix
-rent a studio in the Arts District
-learn graphic design
-take some photoshop classes?
-get my art out there (how? shows? contests? coffee shops?)
Diet: I want to know what’s in all my food and know that everything I eat is fuel for the life I want. My main problem is consistency. I eat in spurts and I know that has wrecked my metabolism.
-NO sugar (yeah right, but I can try)
-eat seasonally and organically
*shop at the discount organic stores
-make something healthy and wholesome every day that Jason will like (buy his love :D)
-salad every day
-learn to make my own sprouted spelt bread
-weed out wheat
-drink water with lemon, I heard it should be 3 liters
-chlorophyll every day
-drink green tea every day
-drink mate every day
-eat 80/20 raw?
-start a cooking club
-eat 1 cup of beans every day
Cleaning: Goal is same as everyone else’s. Clean, organized, clutter free. A place for everything and everything in its place.
*have a cleaning schedule
-keep a cleaning schedule
*clean with home made natural cleaning products
-find curtains to hang in the office
Massage Therapy:As soon as I am licensed I want to be able to start making money to help support Jason and I. Real money. I’d be willing to work about 30 hours a week for awhile until we get caught up on our debts, then I want to go down to 20 hours a week so I can have time for my art.
-study for the test
–PASS THE STATE TEST – my most immediate and highest priority goal
-get my name out there
-find a place to work/rent
-get all set up business wise. . .uh, scheduling system, office system, insurance, business cards. . . help me???
-work with Kyle and learn some more
-talk to Christy and work with some of her cancer patients (maybe)
-talk to Rhonda and work something out for Chapel Hill
-follow the steps Dan told me
Write my Travel Book:
-work on my travel book
-write every day
-join a writing group
– after my travel book I can start on our fairy tale
There. I might add to this later but for now, what does this all mean? Am I unrealistic? People say I want to do too much and don’t do enough but I can do it all, right? It doesn’t really matter when all this gets addressed, it’s there, it will come but I want to get going a little at a time to build my habits and lifestyle. Can anyone help me start in the right direction?
As an end to this day, I went and saw Rorey Carroll play for her CD release party. I last saw Rorey (knew her as Gordy) as a hiker on the AT in 2005. She was a wild hiker with a long gait that I could never keep up with. Last I had heard she was at a commune in CA. I moved to Asheville last year and months later I found out that Gordy lives in Asheville but by the time I called her up she had moved back to Colorado. I watched her sing sad songs, listened to her whole CD when I got home and thought about how wonderful life is. We all have this chance to make something beautiful. We’re all in this together. Hopefully you all can help fix me 😀 Happy travels!